20100619

"Every blessing taken for granted becomes a curse." Tyrese

Dah seminggu lebih result keluar.

Result aku buat aku tak boleh tidur sebab banyak sangat berfikir, confused, sedih, emosi, tension etc.

Aku study the day before exam. During exam week, aku habiskan masa tengok 2 seasons of GG, 2 seasons of B&S, Glee 15 episod, 5 movies, berborak dekat Forum CARI, update blog hari-hari even right before paper Tort II, 12 days gap before Tort II almost everyday keluar shopping. That’s why lah aku tunggu result separuh mati sampai nak demam, muntah-muntah, menggigil bagai. It turns out… I got more than what I had expected and maybe, more than what I deserve.

I know you may think that I should be happy right? The truth is, I’m not!

Bila dapat something yang best without even lifting your butt from the comfy bed and removing your sight from Facebook and Blogger, perasaan hambar. Plus, rasa bersalah and sedih tengok orang lain berusaha bagai nak mati bersungguh-sungguh belajar tapi tak dapat apa yang diaorang nak. I feel like I’m stealing from them.

After discussing some issues with a couple of friends, we came to a similar conclusion. Maybe God gave me luck in exam results (yang eventually made me feel guilty towards those yang betul-betul study tapi tak dapat berpuas hati dengan result masing-masing) sebab Dia nak aku lebih berusaha the next time so that i won’t feel like shit if the same thing that happened to me this semester happens again (aku rasa aku betul-betul study time STPM ja yang lain semua aku tak study. That explains why i never got straight As but tak adalah sampai fail kan so kira lucky lah juga.)

After this, i will try my best to be a better student. Belajar instead of hoping for a miracle all the time. I think it’s better to make some effort rather than just lazing around and suddenly dapat result best sebab with effort, if you get good results out of it, you know you’re worthy of the result. And if you don’t get what you expect, at least you know you have tried your best. Maybe rezeki kat tempat/masa lain. Win-win situation bak kata Cik Azizah Penyelia Petang SIGS merangkap Warden ASPURI 2 SIGS masa aku form 1 - form 2 dulu.

So, based on what Tyrese said on his blog, barulah aku boleh terima betul-betul kenyataan. Orang melayu cakap, ada hikmah disebalik setiap kejadian (blessing in disguise). Walaupun result this semester buat aku tak tentu arah sekejap, yang paling penting, it made me realise that I need to pull my self together and start acting like a student.

Op! This doesn’t mean aku jadi nerd next semester OK. NEVER! Aku just nak try belajar rajin-rajin :)

 

p/s: Terasa matang sikit tiba-tiba :P

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