20091229

i don’t have plans to usher in the new year, whatever that means.

i can’t sleep last night. effect nap lima jam semalam and baca buku pasal perang-perang yang gory sebab ada cakap pasal corpse and maggots euww! dah nak pukul enam pagi baru tidur. oh. buku tu tajuk dia The First Casualty written by none other than Ben Elton. my least favourite book of his. reasons; tak suka cerita perang, banyak sangat pasal sejarah and places yang tak pernah dengar nama, berlambak military jargons and words yang aku tak faham but i was too lazy to look it up. aku suka part politics and investigation sahaja. mainly, mesej dalam buku ni is most wars are so meaningless, it’s not worth the fight. true indeed.

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soalan lazim menjelang tahun baru:

apa plan? apa resolution baru? resolution lama tercapai ke tak?

i have no plans because, i don’t celebrate new years. i would love to have fun every second i can get. not necessarily on new years. tapi best juga kalau dapat tengok fireworks. tapi, kalau ada reliable transportation i would love to make plans for my friends. ada yang macam sedih tak ada plan so macam kesian and i want to try my best to make everybody happy. it’s all we ever do right? try to make others happy sampai lupa nak fikir pasal diri sendiri.

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there are some things that i wish i can do/get for this new semester. biarlah simpan seorang-seorang sahaja. banyak sangat to list down.

but somebody did wish me “love” for 2010. aku terharu. tapi aku tahu benda tu susah. because i know what i want and i want what i want so anything else that crossed-path with me that i don’t want; i don’t care, i don’t mind, i might not even notice them. but the ones which i want, i can want them all my life knowing that they’ll never want me as much as i want them. and there is this one person that i want but i can’t want anymore because it’s just wrong. if only it’s the right thing. if only. then tak payah aku nak panik bila pakcik aku cakap “wish you all the best in getting married early”.

ma cakap it’s ok kalau kahwin lambat. asal ada duit. so that aku boleh buat kat dewan/hotel, hire caterers, tak payah nak menyusahkan orang lain block jalan sebab ada khemah kahwin. lagipun aku tahu siapalah yang nak rewang kalau aku kahwin nanti. i hardly know any of my neighbours. aku tak rapat dengan cousins. that’s why lah kena ada duit banyak-banyak. tapi kalau duit banyak still tak ada orang nak tak jadi juga kan.

terserlah ke-desperate-an dan ke-pathetic-an T_T

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by the way, nombor bertuah kedua for Contest: Pja Belikan Saya Souvenier Turki! ialah nombor 6 and that’s me. probably dapat coin bag from Turki. anything can do. yang penting, i won! yeay!! thank you thank you :) it has certainly cheered me up and lift off some unpleasant things that was stuck on my brain.

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